i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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