i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You pole danced in your parka.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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