I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
