There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize