I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
