put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
