put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
