guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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