Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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