just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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