My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
