she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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