So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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