You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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