3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
