: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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