A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
