the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
