i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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