I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
