Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
