Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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