I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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