She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize