It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
