ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
