well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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