would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
