so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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