you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
