After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
