Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
