I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize