you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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