i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
