I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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