he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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