Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
