i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
