He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
