am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
