Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
