Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
