haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
