Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We left the knife in your bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We need to get me chipped asap
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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