where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
