Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
