and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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