I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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