i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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