I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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