is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
