im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
