I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
