I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
