Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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