Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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