I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sext me about skeletons
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize