i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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